In -Expressive .

Salam and hye people !

Yeah , for a while i made this blog as private thats because i found out somebody that used to be my ehem is having , i dont know, an social network enlightment and he suddenly has this twitter and instagram account . Blerghh. Plus , Erudition is tracking blogs to be put inside that mini magazine , sooo yeah , i shouldnt put myself at risk . HAHA .

It has been long since i last talked bout heart thinggy , n i think its not right . You know , when you keep everything inside and slowly it kills you , eat you up to death *well thats an extreme exaggeration* .

So , here i am *deep breathe*

It feels like a wake up call ever since i read Fuzah's blog, her recent posts . It tear my hear out to read them . It was too deep to even tell others . I cant even tell you the intensity of feeling when reading it . Hehe . Evenso , the point is , i think the biggest thing i learnt her is to never afraid to express your feelings , speak up what you feel . Yes , eventho i may looked like that brutally honest (what my fren used to called me back in highschol) , i dont actually tell and show you everything . And there are times where i didnt know what i feel like 'should i be offended by that ? ' or 'Are you pulling my legs ? ' or ' Is it okay to say this ? ' yada yada yada . I dont even realised that i took that one thing seriously until i told someone bout it n suddenly i have an urge to cry . OH SO I DID OFFENDED ! Thats how bad my ability to express . Muahahaha.


I just finished my oneweek-midsem break . It was exactly the same time but last year and last sem , that something happened . Oh yes , before that . I once told you in this blog bout a guy . Ahaa . A guy that i didnt know whether to confess or not . Long story short , i did (OMG!) well that was because the circumstance at that time hoho. and it was hard to convince him . Hehe . The moment i did , it was my turn to have doubt bout him . This guy is actuallyy so fu*king different from any guy i  knew -Not in a good way tho . But at that moment I just like him and FULLSTOP . No BUT , no Maybe , NO  nothing comes after that .


It was like tide -high and low , Tug of war - pull and push . A game, last two sem but we get through that eventho it has some effects on my finalss (SHEEZ !) . Then we carry on , untill last sem . I was actually in the middle of figuring out what is this relationship are all about . We are not an item  but we acted like one . And im pretty sure he doesnt see me as someone special . and that kills .I dont like tis . I need to know . Yela macam da kalau camtu what the hell are you doing with me RIGHT NOW ?! and What IM DOING WITH YOU?!! . Kak Shake , suddenly made me realise the action I should take , because the truth is , iknow deep don where is this 'thing 'gonna head to . Only the questions  was - Should i wait till a miracle happen OR Should i stop it now before it cause sooo many unthinkable damage ? . She totally blew my mind ! and I thought i was being brainwashed  -.- . Still , i dont mind.

Awkwardly , he seems knew what i was thinking . He asked and i told him, why dont we stop this ? You knowww THIS uncertainty . If you dont really want me , why should i ? Cewahh demand pulak . Tapi yelahh engat senang2 ke nak bagi hati kat orang yang sambil lewa je kan blerghh . He actually agreed with me , maybe WE Should stop this madness . SO WE STOPPED . Stop all the messages and fb ( xfren pun sapa suruh block aku padan muka).  That was 2 weeks before midsem break , last sem . Youknow , like this year's midsem break . I was so horrible , like a living zombie , boneless , spiritless and losing hope (Kak Mira said ) . I was super sensitive. I talked when needed only . Sometimes dont even want to say anything , totally mute .The weirdest part is , i dont even care to fight that feeling . I thought  was living in a hell .Then i know, i was in the middle of heartbreak . I was so torn. Too torn to even stand up and show a lil bit light of hope . Maslin who always looked so happy and cheerful suddenly turned into someone cold and gloomy , like a stranger . The worst part ? Una and Fuza didnt know bout what i was goin through and they misunderstood my actions. Well that actually my faults . And i am so so so sorry to make you guys worry and have false assumptions and wondering . It was feel like i need my time to detach and quarantine myself from anybody in the world and face this alone . To recluse . HAHAHA. Ididntknow whyyy i thought like that -,- . But we hv settled this :)


After that one week break , i can feel that i was healing . And everybody starts to see me smile again , especially Una dan Fuza  :) Thank God he was a senior and completely has different schedule from me so i can avoid  him . There was one time where i accidentally saw him , and i went like alll miserable ! Just a glance n he made me into that -.- . Slowly and slowly recovering untill the Interbatch Games . I knew im going to meet him sooner or later . Uia tak besar wehhh . Hahahaha. For that Two-days event , i finally can say to Kak Mira , " He is not Mine , and I am Fine " \O/ Yeah ! Im not healing completely but thats a good sign :) Then there was AGM . Ohmyyy. He was all over the place . But as long as i didnt contacted him , im fine. After that , more and moreeee Events that need me to see him. AGD and KOS Integration Month. Maigaaadd ! Allah je la tahuu ! But i guess , thats the fastest way - To make me move on in the right way . They say , you have to feel the deepest fall to rise up again . And i did . I didnt fight myself in the heartbroken period and now i am free (not just yet) .


So finally the 2nd year 2nd sem ended   n he is supposedly graduatingg ! NOT JUST YET . He is stiil here doing practical as a teacher . Oh whatever . Like i care. Eh ? Ofcourse i care ! Baru nak rasa bebasss T_T Wuwuwuuw . One thing i hate bout him , he always thought that if he stopped message me in a period of time , my anger will slowdown and then he can message me back ! OMG ! Nuh -uh-uh . This one is permanent mister . But yeah , sekali dua bole la tahan . Lama2 annoying so reply la jugak Zzz. but one word only HAHAHAH  RASAKAN APA YANG AKU RASAAA ! :P


Today , since i was like layan tak layan , he stopped msg me . YES!!! . Pastu masa cuti aritu bole tak die msg tetiba ?!!! PAstu like2 kat Fb. OH NOOOO ! I wont let this defenses collapse just like thaatt ! NO ! NOT AGAIN !


But youknow what , there was some feeling looking at his name actually ...


Ohmy God . This is haaard  Suddenly . Masa cuti aritu Mom nagged me , and every inch of my confidence breaks and fell out ! I abruptly feel , i wasnt that great like what i thought , like what others see me . They just see what i want them to see , but the truth is ? I am a loser ! .I wasnt good enough . And all these depressions built up , and i felt so lonely ...So lonely in this mad mad world . I felt so down that i have no mood at all to study . Everything just .... Gone . I felt like crying , but i didnt . and thats not good . Remember i told you ? ( UNA NI LA SEBAB NYA ! )

Then his name appeared in my phone . Why should you come at this time pulakkk ? Grrr . And thatt adds up to this loneliness T_T I hate youuuuuuuuuuu  ! Why i felt like im living a lie ? Like all that in this UIA doesnt matter at all ? Like who i am now , this happy-me is just to cover up all the mess i felt inside ? Why ? A  Lie ?


I must say ,that not-so-an-item relationship actually trigered something in me . A side of me that im hiding before . Ahaaa , curious tak ? Hahaha. Still , I dont like that side of me , and i really pray that Allah can help me to overcome it . Thats is one of the reason that im backing off . I really dont know when is this 'get over it' operation goin to finish , but as far as im concern , untill another  guy came and show some great effort for me to trut him or maybe i will just let time remove this feelings . Its not like i was never  in this condition before, right ?  ;) I pray to Allah to let that one person to be the last one -The Mr. Right . Its not a time to play with this heart-feelings things anymore . I had enough . And i hope when the time comes , Im ready :)


 I started it and  I ended it . Seems fair enough .

p/s : Fuza and Una , bacalah ini :)

 pp/s : Since the 1st intention of this blog is to share experience , so i will keep it that way . Plus , tak thrill ahhh tak public HAHAHA

ppp/s : Lama tak post panjang2 , hahh amekkawww eesei thesis terusss ! Mbaahahhahhahh!

Workloads.

PROGRAMME COORDINATOR & PROTOCOLS

-          Revise the Programme Tentative when necessary

-          Provide the flow plan and Master Plan of programs and committees during the event

-          Assign the programs with their respective person-in-charge

-          Prepare the tentative for the Induction Course

-          Re-enact the flow of program to identify and correct the problems and flaws beforehand

-          Prepare an alternative backup plans and tentative to overcome the problems foreseen

-          Observe the tentative and protocols of special events (Grand Final & Closing Ceremony)

-          Forecast the weather during the program to prepare for changes

-          Include the Program Tentative in the debaters/adjudicators file

Ohhh hopefully i will remember this ! Responsbility ! \O/

Lama sangat .

Hai . Lama sangat tak update . Hahaha , macam da tade kepentigan , Selalu kalau ada benda trigger baru rasa nk kene update heeee. So lets not waste the time shall we ? :)


1) Alhamdulillahh , we got the Money for the Wackos Project ! \O/


 

2) Foodtech is going to a fieldtrip to Beryl's and Yakult , Yet , i was stressed with the sudden request of making an article bout Wackos a night before. Alhamdulillahh, i managed to do it  . Uihh penat giloo macam nak nanges , siap kene tahan dgn principal talhah -,-.

3) Went to the Musical Workshop , learnt to play Violin and Guitar . In fact , made a video fr Mom's besdaaayy . Weeee <3 :="" and="" chalat="" keim="" p="" thankyou="">

4) Went to interview Andalusia Travel and Tour Sdn . Bhd for EOP project. Awesome company is awesome ! Later can refer to them to make any vacation trip ! Mueheheheh 

5 ) Make a surpriseeee of Una and Fuza's besday . Alhamdulillahhhh ! We nailed it ! \O/

6) Finallly , Im hommmmmmmeeeeeeeee ! Ohhh a week vacation and 2 weeks of examinations ! Ya Allahh , make me stronggg ! :')

Appreciate .

One young man went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the initial interview, and now would meet the director for the final interview.

The director discovered from his CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent. He asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" the youth answered "no".

" Was it your father who paid for your school fees?"

"My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.” he replied.

" Where did your mother work?"

"My mother worked as clothes cleaner.”

The director requested the youth to show his hands. The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

" Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?"

"Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Besides, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said, "I have a request. When you go home today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back home, he asked his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to her son.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother winced when he touched it.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fees. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his education, his school activities and his future.

After cleaning his mother hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, when he asked: "Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered," I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

“I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, I would not be who I am today. By helping my mother, only now do I realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done on your own. And I have come to appreciate the importance and value of helping one’s family.

The director said, "This is what I am looking for in a manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life.”

“You are hired.”

This young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and worked as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop an "entitlement mentality" and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts. When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. For this kind of people, who may be good academically, they may be successful for a while, but eventually they would not feel a sense of achievement. They will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying our children instead?

You can let your child live in a big house, eat a good meal, learn piano, watch on a big screen TV. But when you are cutting grass, please let them experience it. After a meal, let them wash their plates and bowls together with their brothers and sisters. It is not because you do not have money to hire a maid, but it is because you want to love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will grow gray, same as the mother of that young person. The most important thing is your child learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done.

The Nerves .

Assalamualaikum , hye people ! :)

So this week , my schedules are full with WACKOS thinggy , and im happy !

Last night we had the Grande meeting that gather everyone including the subcoms and guess what ? We total up as 48 ! Wohh what a bigg number ! :D

I was presenting bout the vision and mission n i had nerves crawling under my skin , crazily  ! GULP ! My confidence was shaking a bit HAHAHA . Ramai kot ! Still , my endorphin level exceed the adrenaline :) We ended the meeting with makan2 with the mainboard weeee <3 p="">

    

Oh yeah , that day me paan and fauwaz met up with Dr Deny , our ever supportive deputy dean ! We met her just to tell her the teaser of our idea  before we gonna present it to our Dean . GULP ! Wohhh ,masa jadi exco pun takpernah cakap straight dengan beliau . What an opportunity ,Thankyou yaAllah!:3

The Dean's meeting room , Gonna present the Wackos Project to him nextweek
 Wish us luck !;)

Next ? Tomorrow , Friday night we gonna have a Pseudo- Picnic , just to make the team more bonded , and our VIP gonna be Bro Zack and Dr. Deny ! Weehooo ! InsyaALlahh  , im getting enthusiastic to do this thing :')

Then , Sunday we will be having our first Cleaning Day with them again :) Memang bak kata Paan : ' Minggu ni minggu WACKOS ! ' 

Okey , today our lab is cancelled , alhamdulillaaahh Tuhan tolong saya nak puasa ganti rini :') , Then Zaidan ajak tengok HKSBP ZON TIMUR which is at the SUKPA ! YEyyy ! Malam ni kita date ng Fuzi pulak , wee :)

Okey okey , SO much things to do ! Chop chop ! Gottago ! Xx

WHY foodtech ?

Salaam people !

Im sure by now you already knew that i m taking Food concentration in Biotechnology instead of Environment and Marine . I must say most of my friends are quite astonished with my choice . Hee . Probably because from their point of view , Food is heavy and requires an intense focus AND IM NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON . most of the time you will see me in Sport attires , jumping here and there ; doing what i do best . Heee. Or probably you will see me at Kos at a time then ME again at Ecm at another time in the same day . The point is , i never stick at one place . I Am all over the place. Muahahah.

 SO they thought i would prone to take marine or environment as these two would make me going out , moving from one place to another for the sampling . Hihihi . Well , Thats the tricky part .

As im a person who already moved back and forth , went back to my room for shower and sleep only I actually like to have a reason for me to stay a little longer than before . An i guess taking Food is the best way :) . It might looks doesnt suit me at all but i actually love to read and anything that requires mind-boggling . Heeeee . i need something to hold me back from moving . Eventho im all over the place and was out the whole day , id love to know that i should go back to my room and sit awhile to do some reading ( as Food is tough yknoww ) hihi . Its actually nice to know that you have a HOME to go back to after you have been to many places .That is where people dont get me :)

Generally , Food is not more difficult than the other two . Its just , Food seems more like it and actually their difficulties are in different form. And i guess id love to do that 'hardest' part with Food :)

Fuzah Una and Me are totally different now . I learnt that sometimes we have to 'leave' our friends a while to chase our dream. They say Absence makes the heart grow fonder btw :')