can't u see ?

what if i say that,

i have no longer interest in it ?

what if i say ,

my interest now is towards something that u would never imagine

what if i say ,

i just dont know how to handle it

but what if i say

my results showed everything ?

everyday, since that day .

i was thinking of how to overcome this problem of mine .

is it even a problem if my feeling changed ?

i think its not.

what would be it if when i have no guts to say it.

well i tried.

it just wont came out.

see, NO GUTS.

i hold back too much because i think this is an irrational move.

i may not think about it deeply.

but then again , my results showed.

i am sorry . i try my very best to keep it inside.

but the more i tried , the harder it is for me.

and to be frank , i am trying my ver ver very best to nurture my feeling to what i am doing now.

eventho i know it would be a long shot and soooo hard.

but i would do that.

just cant bear the disappointment of them anymore.

LIKE seriously .

i do think i have to express this to them. even for once. is enough

so they would understand why i screwed up so much.

on second thought , would it be as hard as facing how they will feel about me ?

yup, their feelings are way to0 important .

eh mine ? isnt it as same as theirs ?

*sigh*

ohhh i just dont know .

i hope i can hold on a little longer and find out a solution without making a massive change.

oh Allah , Help me please :/

call me cengeng or whatever because everytime i am thinking bout this , my tears are about to fall. it feels like someone is digging my heart out .its excruciating . and indescribeable.