Bohring maen tag.

RULES: 
1. Put your iTunes, Winamp, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle. 
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer. 
3. YOU MUST WRITE A LINE OF THAT SONG,n THE SONG'S NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS. 
4. Tag 25 friends. 
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing. 
6. DO NOT CHEAT & Have Fun! 



1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY? 
Baby , Im sorry - Lonely / 2ne1

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF? 
Oh baby , You dont know a thing about me  .- Mr. Know it All / Kelly Clarkson 

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? 
Ku takkan bisa menjadi lebih dari apa yang terdaya - Cinta Teragung / Hazama

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? 
Butakah kamu ? - Buta Hati / Faizal Tahir .

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? 
Ada sesuatu yang berbeza di saat ku melihat senyum manis mu - Sesuatu yang Berbeza / Sofaz

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO? 
Again , im keep writing in the unfinished story of you and i - Fiction / B2st

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? 
Seribu mimpi , Berjuta sepi , Hadir bagai teman sejati - Rapuh , Opick 

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? 
Oh God  thankyou for giving us strength to hold on and we are here together - Freedom / Maher Zain .

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? 
Fasubhanallahu malla yaqdirul khalqu qadrahu - Zikir 2

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2? 
Ya Zal jalali wak ikram - Zikir 1

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? 
tika ku kealpaan kau bisikkan bicara keinsafan-sebuah pertemuan, uNIC

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? 
Its such a typical story . My phone battery is too good for you - Minimanimo / Tiny G

13.TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? 
So sad but true but for me theres only you - The day you went away / M2M

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? 
You were so caring and kind - The Chosen One / Maher Zain

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? 
Stop acting now - Goodbye Baby / Miss A

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? 
I said remember this feelings  - Long live / Taylor Swift ft Paula Fernandes 

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? 
I cant sleep . I cant believe - It's over / Speed

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR? 
Apa yang harus ku lakukan untuk membuat kau mencintaiku ? - Untuk mencintaimu / Seventeen

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? 
Bagaimana kah kau merasa bangga akan dunia yang sementara ? - Bila waktu telah berakhir / Opick

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW 
You will find your way - InsyaAllah / Maher Zain

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? 
Our hearts full of pleasure - Barakallah / Maher Zain

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? 
How do we get here ? - Decode / Paramore .

3 bulan dah ?!

Subhanallah ! MasyaAllahh !

Ramadhan is coming toward the ends . So is the practical . I would like to thank everyone and each of you who make me going through the 3months . All the ups and downs . The blood and sweats .
(padahal intern takhabes lagi zzz)

Sehubungan dengan itu , mari kita cek balik checklist kita untuk Ramadhan ini . Sejauh mana kita realisasikan apa yang kita dah azamkan .

Azam :
i. Pakai stokin 
- Alhamdulillah . Pergi intern pakai . Satu , sebab kaki allergic kene pakai kasut lab tu . Dua , nak pakai jalan is a struggle . Yes , a struggle . Selalu . Lupa T_T

ii. Better understanding of my parents.
-Many things happened , yes . Biasalah darah muda hahaha . Memang anak paling menjawab memang aku lah . But im trying to hold back and sabar and change . Teehheee .
- I met this one girl . She is one of my teammates . We talked bout things like this sometimes , because to me , she is a girl who have principles in life . People like this can benefit us , and you will like automatically trust them . Then she told me about : Learning to let go and Attachment .
- Attachment or Kebergantungan kepada Allah , is actually one thing we always forget in our daily life . Believe me , dearie . Sometimes we rely so much to His creation , hoping for our kindness or effort to be returned , that we relentlessly forgetting our Divine One . He is the Creator of the creation . He is the Almighty , The one who have power on every living things . He is the All-planner .
And with that in mind , we need to learn how to let go . Let go of the things that unnecessary to be carry on eventho we hurt so much inside and feel as if this world is cruel . Stick to the plan which is bring everyone in the family to the Jannh . Yeah , let go . Let it burn .

iii. Stop exploring unnecessary things on internet.
- This is fated  . One fine day , i kicked my laptop down to the floor  and it was damaged for about almost 1month now . Looking at the bright side , yeah its good . This somehow fulfill my 3rd mission . O Allah the Best Planner , eventho somehow it looked like a mishaps but actually it also benefit me in another way :')

iv.  Reading .
- Alhamdulillahh . Finished a book , and moving on to the next one  . But this one is sooo lembab the process . hahaha .

v. kawal nafsu dan jaga hati .
- I dont know if im putting my best effort to guard my nafs , but i denied every distraction and i think i kinda nailed it . Almost-Zero scandal . Muahahahaah . Alhamdulillahhh . That sounds good already to me :D


2 . Pastu bila tengok and scroll balik dari awal sampai akher ni , there are some people i want to give special thanks to . Because they kinda took care of me even from afar . And i'd be needing that . I just never thought i would. Kak Mira , Coach and KA . KA sebab she always helped me with all the directions of jalan (Newbies on the KL street wootwoot ! ) and patient enough to describe to me everything . Muahahah! Iknow sometimes i looked soooo dumb (sheez) but whatever , that is what a friend for . Showing your weakness to them believing they wont mock you back and belittle them :') The faith . Thankyou KA !

3. Farihin's family and my teammates are my best company along the journey . I had fun with them . I am glad i made the decision  to join Masum .They asked me like tak penat ke ulang alik ShahAlam -Gombak ? I questioned myself too. Well i guess thats what happen when you do something you like . Nothing can be compared to the joy of doing it . As long as you can do it  you are happy and you are not complaining . Teehee .


4. Now the point is , bulan Ramadhan nak pergi , tapi apa lagi amalan yang masih berbaki ? Dah cukup bekalan nak hadap Syaitanniraajim ni ? Perghhh . Dah nak akhir2 ni alhamdulillah ABC , tapi sedeh la jugak tak dpt nk beribadat lebih sikit . Masa macam terasa kosonnng jeww . hewhew .
Ya Allah , jangan lah kau palingkan hati2 kami setelah Kau bagi hidayah kepada kami . Terimalah amalan2 solat dan puasa kami . Jangan kau biarkan kami dengan nasib kami sendiri . Semoga keluarnya kami dari Ramadhan ni , hati kami rawan kembali dan teguh menghadapi realiti . Kau lah pemegang hati2 kami . Tetapkanlah hati kami . Sucikanlah dengan sifat2 Mahmudah dan husnuzzon . Tempat kanlah kami di kalangan orang2 beriman . Ameeeennn.


5. Lepas raya ,ada dalam 8 hari je training for Masum and 2weeks for practical habes . End of August is Masum . Masuk sem is 9 Sept . Perghhhh . Banyak pula keje nihaaa . Fokus practical nak A !!!! Focus Masum nak masuk next round !!! Moga2 lemak tak bertambah banyak sangat . Ya Allah berikaanlah aku kekuatan dan berkatilah usaha kamiii ! :)


Peri buat fitness sana hoiii !!!!

Azaad is The Coach .

u are off

because u havent trained in some time

igt dtg2 bole terus power ke

ajojojo

bertenang

u take ur time n polish maslin

i can only suggest but it's up to u to do it

evenings, look for a court around shah alam area and go shoot some hoops

for about 30-45 mins

just to get your touch

then when u come for training, u will notice the difference

semua org karat gila

no motivation because u are Ms. Negative

negativenegativenegativenegativenegativenegativenegativenegativenegativenegativenegativenegative

cuba positive sikit

all u need to be a good ball player is massive confidence

well so far u don't seem so positive

don't be too hard on urself

rilek suda

enjoy it

enjoy whatever u can while u still have the chance

jangan sampai menyesal sbb x main secukupnya waktu blajar

atau sbb taun dpn tibe2 rase nak main tapi da jauhhh lagi karat

n aku xkan coach da taun dpn

i know u miss me

n u'll miss me even more when i'm gone

so cherish the moment we have together

hehe

u lack both

so buck up!

and start becoming a star again

20 things im learning in my 20's

1.       Social network can do harm and do good depends on how you use It.

2.       Happiness has different form for different people .

3.       Being pious and kind is two different thing .

    4.Disney’s movie , eventho as childish as it might look ,can somehow inspire  and motivate you .

5.       Right and hard decision sometime is the same thing .

6.       Everything happens for a reason. ONLY if you choose to open up your heart and see the reason

7.       Never never  ever get into relationship just for fun .

8.      Looks is not everything . Just be confident and presentable :)

9. The only people who can love you for who you are , including  the weaknesses is your Family

10.    Doa is so powerful , because you know that you are asking

 for something from the Divine One.

11.   Just do what you think is the best for you . People might disagree . 

But why care ? Its your life anyway .

12.   Life happens the moment you look at your smartphone :p

13.    Things wont always gonna happen like you plan. Always make a back up.

14.   The definition of ‘best friend’ is defined by you . Not society .

15.   Any kind knowledge is essential in our life . 

But I think people need to have the right idea WHY they have to learn things .

16.   The discovery of  yourself is an ongoing process of learning . Sometimes you will feel youve found it , sometimes you feel lost . You have to know ITS OKAY . Keep searching .

17.   When you are mad , lushing it out in twitter or blog , not Fb . or better , to your friend . HAHAHAH . Nahh kidding . The best way is to keep it to yourself and move on .

18.   Never ask any return for your kindness . which is actually hard .

19.   It is not easy to stay positive all the time , that is why you need your friends 

 to pull you back and be on track . Choose your friends wisely :)

20 . Youtube is so interesting actually . I found many unimaginable things that people do  in here . Just like what I did right now . I was inspired by this video :

Therefore , I would like to TAG some of my friends that I think would read this and I wanna know what You guys have to say J :

Mahfuzah

Una

Iman

Liyana Azmi

Zie

Atiqah Jalil 

Whoever came across my blog and reading this .

   

HAPPY LISTING ! :)

p/s : Tag kat twitter pun best gak hehehehee :D

In need peace of my heart

 

3months

Assalamualaikum people :)


Hai people . So long no updates aite ? Finals ended , and Heading to the Internship :)

So mari kita buat mindset untuk kehidupan 'baru' selama 3 bulan ini :D

1. Driving .
Alhamdulillah selama seminggu ni memang ayah kerjakan aku lah asik suh aku drive , which is GOOD actually . Omg da 22 tahun baru nak rasa kehidupan menyelusuri jalan2 di selangor :( Memang sesat barat . Na pi giant pun sesat . Nak balik dari Uia Gombak pun sesat ! Zzz  -.- . Mujurlaaaaa pusing2 dapat la balik sampai rumah dengan selamat . Wuwuwuw  . Memang lawak . Better late than never . Ada hikmah Intern kat shah alam :)


2. Shah Alam
Tempat intern . Wohh cuak gila sensorang . Hmmm . Kene prepare diri dengan recall balik semua benda yang da belajar hewhew . BArang tak packing lagi ni . Wawawawawa .


3. Rumah Ein.
 Nanti duk umah Ein . Kena la behave , Duk ng family orang . Ngeeee . Maybe this is a lesson kan ? Sampai bila nak duk dalam lingkungan zon selamat je ? Go outside there and challenge yourself ! Widen your perspective kids . Hihi. Ok ok papehal always show a good image , ringan tulang and jaga nama keluarga ye Maslin :) Hee.


4. Pengetahuan .
Of labs . Of cars . Of roads. Perhh perghh perghh . Haruslah persiapkan diri dengan pelbagai ilmu bila da besar ni . Tanggunggjawab da banyak kan ? Haaaa Hahahah . Of cooks ? Eh hehee

5. Mission.
Mari pakai stokin untuk intern ini heeeee insyaALlah , semoga Allah kuatkan .
Mari jaga solat hari2 . , Semoga Allah kuatkan .
Mari jaga muamalat antara ajnabi . Just be yourself . Be ordinary , but not typical .
Mari yakin dengan diri . Know that you always has something in you that can benefit people .
Mari jadi anak yang baik .  Ini lah masanya untuk praktis apa yang da dapat selama ' numb period' before cuti ritu hewhew . :)
Mari menangkan iman instead of jahiliyyah . Mari kawal diri dari dikawal syaitan . Mari jadi versi terbaik diri anda memandangkan Ramadhan dah nak dekat ni . Dont let this one go to waste ever again .

We gonna win this timeeee !! YA Allahh kuatkan kamiiii !!! Ameeen :)


Btw , Telekung miamikhail da sampai . Thankyou Alonk :))))

Next : Instax .<3 p="">

Ramadhan

Ya Allah, berkatilah kami dalam 

bulan Rejab dan Syaaban, 

dan panjangkanlah usia kami 

sehingga Ramadhan.

Is it wrong for to me to think,

the only chance for you to change

is in Ramadhan month ?

Andddd...

 With These , My Love tank is re-filled ! :')

Thankyou from the smallest texts , tweets , posts , Audio till the cards , cakes , presents and especially your time to even remember my birthday as well as spending it wth me . I am more beyond appreciating it :') . Iloveyou guys now and then hearts.

22 and New .

Alhamdulillah segala puji bagi Allah , aku genap 22 tahun 15 Mei 2013 . Alhamdulillah
Aku masih lagi bernafas , masih lagi berpeluang menebus dosa2 lama , masih ada ruang untuk bertaubat. Terimakasih yaAllah .


Aku ingat lagi tahun lepas , pada tarikh yang sama . How my friends pranked me . First time ever in my life :') Sayang korang ggg (hearts) . Dulu kat sekolah tak penah kene pun . Sebab salu jatuh atas tarikh exam and cuti . Plus  aku tak rasa aku ni kawan favourite so takde la dorang nak buat camni . Haha . Nak buat cemana , redhaaa je la . Jadi Prank pertama adalah pada umur 21 :) Hee , Thankyou una fuzah atie ka yanie eyqa raf umu shai dan sesiapa yang ada pada waktu itu . I really appreciate it . I loved it :) Merasaaa juga akhernya kekekek. Sayang korang semua . Rindu waktu tu :')

Tahun ni tataw nak rasa apa . Ucapan dr mereka yg rapat dan yang aku syg ,terimakasih atas segala ucapan2 dan hadiah2 :) Cukuplah sekadar mengetahui masih ada insan yang mengingati diri yang hina ini :') . Lagipun dgn labreports berlambak dan nak dekat exam semua org kejar due date. Dan lagi Mungkin kerana umur meningkat . Fokus aku lebih kepada bagaimana aku mencorak dan mengisi umur aku selama 22 tahun ni . How far i have become what i want . And what have i done to my life so far . emm. masa umur aku 18 ke 19 tahun , aku selalu baca blog Hilal Asyraf. Dia selalu kata yang kita kena rancang hidup kita ni so tak jadi sia2 . MasyaAllah masa tu rasa nk gugur jantung takut hidup aku sia2 Hahaha -.-" . Walaupun aku tak rasa hidup aku skrg tak ikut pun apa yg aku plan (eh ada ke plan? ) tapi alhamdulillah setakat ni okey lagi . Masih terisi perkara2 yang memberi faedah. Cuma sikit2 lagi kene baiki .


Antara perkara2 yang terkesan di hati bila cakap pasal prestasi diri dalam hidup ni , bila aku ukur sejauh mana aku dah jadi anak yang baik kepada parents aku . (mata bergenang) . Aku anak kedua . Along dah kahwin.  Jadi aku rasa beban ada kat bahu aku bila balik umah . Selalu boleh rilek2 kan . Sekarang ni tolong lah sedar diri kau tu da besar tua Maslin dah nak bole jadi bini orang , mak bapak pun bukan muda lagi (nanges) . Aku sampai satu tahap tu , terasa semu hidup kat uia ni semua palsu tipu fake . As if kalau semua jawatan/sukan/aktiviti tu ditarik dari aku , apa yang tinggal ? Diri aku yang mana satu akan diekstrak tu ? Punyalah dalam sangat fikir sampai depress/marah kat diri sendiri . Aku hilang arah . Ya , betul . Kawan2 tataw sgt benda ni sbb aku rasa macam aku sorang je leh setel benda ni hua3 .


Hari tu kitorang kelas NRM  kelas gabung semua biotech . Lepas kelas tu aku ada kuiz . Baru nak bacaaaaa mak aih . Jadi nk kluar pergi class laen tu ttbe nampak kak mira . Nampak semacam je .Ohemgee , die nanges . Aku pun duk lah sebelah dia .Tukar plan. Aku tggu je lah die cite sendiri . Then die kata " I jadi mcm u maslin  pikiaq lelebih" . Aku dengar je lah . Sbb aku yg salu ckp byk hihi.
And at that time aku rasa , kak mira rasa apa yang aku rasa . Youknoww this feeling of 'what hv i done to my life?!' . I feel you kak mira :')


Paling terasa masa final basketball Iscar . Walaupun dapat emas  tapi aku tak gembira pun , Sebab aku tahu game time tu langsung tak berkualiti . Aku sedeh teramat sangat .Aku mula rasa this thing is not for me anymore . Maybe its time for me to quit ? But This isnt me . Maslin without basketball is nothing . Faham dah apa aku cuba sampaikan ? Aku mula rasa , its enough . Memang sukar nak cakap benda ni. Dulu aku takpaham kenapa org giveup .Skrg aku tahu dah .


I think i hv arrived at the cliff , the turning point of my life . Kdg2 aku rasa basketball ni yg halang aku nak jadi sopan tu semua hahaha kenapa aku fikir camtu -.-. Sebab this thing has embedded in me since i was form 1 till now . Basketball is ME . Tiap kali cuti 3 bulan balik umah mesti nak masuk Masum  sampai kene chop tak consider family la bla3 . Aku harung semua tu . Demi basketball tersayang. haha .But we can change that . People change. And everything is temporary in this world . Yang kekal ? Hanya Allah . Dan kepada ALlah lah kita kembali .


Oleh itu , mari buat azam umur baru ! :D :

1. Stoking . Aku da lama da pikiaq benda ni . nk slow tu pun hati kena kuat aihhh , engat senang . Disebabkan kaki tgh luka , kita hold dulu ye . Target : Masa intern n Ramadhan nanti insyaAllah.

2. Masak . Perangai manusia mmg cmni kot , belum apa2 lagi nak terus hebat . Fah la pelupa .Aku stress betul masuk dapur. Masuk je , kene marah . Siapa suka ? Kalau camtu tak nak la balik umah hahahaah . Kalau pasal dapur aku mesti emosi . Perasaan terpendam dari zaman sekolah sbb salu kene marah kat dapur . Kdg2 macam benci pun adaaa!Grrrrrr!Jangan maslin jangan , Kawal emosi tu.Be rasional .Kita kena matang okey ? Mmg la kene matang,tapi umur aku da 22 tahun kott nak marah2 lagi ke ? Stress gilaa . Bila stress kerja macam haraamm , pastu kene marah lagi ! Ohh api syaitan is everywhere !
Tapi alonk kata,slow2 skit2 . Atleast masuk lah. ( skrg tahu tak betapa susa nya jadi perempuan T_T)

3. Creativity side . After ecdc , aku terasa mcm jumpa secebis diri aku yang hilang . Aku terasa sisi kreatif aku semakin terhakis . Dulu aku buat semua benda kot . Muzik , Menari ,  Menulis , Bahasa. Aku nak cari balik diri aku yang suka baca buku falsafah dan sastera tu . I forget how much i love language . Aku nak isikan lagi hati aku dengan ilmu2 bahasa dan sejarah melalui peluang2 yang ada . Hahaha .

4. Amalan agama .Target skrg , kalau ada event talk ke pape kita  cuba pergi even sorang2 . Kalau kita ada kesempatan masa , kita jejakkan kaki ke masjid . Subuh tak terlajak. Amalan sunat tak skip .

5. Anak solehah . try sabar dengan kerenah ibubapa . try faham disebalik kemarahan mereka . try emphatize tempat mereka . try gembirakan hati mereka . try become super Angah ! (Y) hewhew.

Kita azam lima dulu ye . I maybe slow but surely im heading to Allah ( Rafiqah Azira , 2013)

May.

Oh hye ! Its May already .

Where the voucher is expired and the RapidKuantan is charged . Wuwuww. Hahaha


So what happened in May so far ?

1. PRU . My 1st time of electing my future government . And BN won . Once again . Alhamdulillah.

2.  Naek  je cuti , berlambak2 labreports and quizzes . Hua3 .

3. ECDC2013 . Im the PC with shai latep salmah n latep . Alhamdulillah it was a success (i guess) hee. I got so many new knowedges bout debating process and all . Thankyou shahrain for asking my help eventho i have nooooo idea whatsoever bout events like this . heee

4. Accident . Terbabas to be specific . Hua3 . Infrontof cafe . I was speeding like always when suddenly someone turned left without signal ! I was shocked, i pressed break and my tire is not in stable condition , so i slipped to the right . Hua3. Thank God Dr. Shogar was right behind me and offered me a ride to the clinic . I called kak mira . After the treatment , i went to her room because its nearer . Kak etty came n lepak sama. from 3- 9pm <3 .="" alhamdulillah="" hahaah.="" je="" kanan="" la="" nothing="" p="" pecahhh="" serious="" sidemirror="" so="" t_t="" was="">
5. My legs are wounded . So i cant walk properly , and my works felt postponed . I cant move much . I mean , move around with the bike lalala. Swimming test is this week or next week T_T . Less than 2 weeks for finals T_T .

Oh Allah , I actually can see why this happened to me . I have some questions bout my life , and i kinda find the answers thru this accident . All in all , please forgive me all my sins. Please forgive for all ignorancce and negligence . Hmmm. Show me the right path yaAlah . Iloveyou :')

Pre-Iscar .

Assalam

Hye people !

Here i am writing , because i cant take it any longer hohoh

ISCAR this year is a mess !  I hate itt ! I feel so saaaddd ! T,T

I have this anger all over me since Monday  Astaghfrullaahh !

Malas da nak ulas amende tah . Since ive decided to get over this feeling .

Yelah , its about to start da. Takde gunanye lagi. Sudah2 lah.

Kita merancang , Allah juga merancang , namun perancangan Allah lah yg lebih baik .

Ohhhh rindunya SnR 11/12 dan G ! Hohohohoh.

Epic Random .

1. Field Trip to Endau-Rompin

 

 2. Kuantan-KL-Kuantan in a day with Atie , and

all the classes got cancelled. Yes, ALL .

3. WacKOS photoshoot :)

4. Went to Tjantek with Kak Etty after Wallclimbing.

5. Helping Atie and Far with their booth.

6. Lepaking with Fatin and ended up sleptover at hers

sebab n tgok LawakKeDer2 Hahahah.

She showed her interesting 3D biology books !

7. Firsttime doing assignments outside of the room,

midday till midnights

Closing our Day with GIJoe retaliation ! \O/

Doa

Ya Allah ya Tuhan ku

Ampunkan dosa2 ku

 dari dulu hingga sekarang 

samada  kecik ataupun besar, 

samada aku sedari ataupun tidak

Hindarkan aku dari sifat2 mazmumah

Perkasakanlah diri ku dengan sifat2 mahmudah

Sesungguhnya Kau Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang

Kau Maha Kuasa lagi Maha Esa

Kau lah Almalikul Mulki , yang memiliki kekuasaan yang mutlak 

Ameen ya rabbal alamin :)

In -Expressive .

Salam and hye people !

Yeah , for a while i made this blog as private thats because i found out somebody that used to be my ehem is having , i dont know, an social network enlightment and he suddenly has this twitter and instagram account . Blerghh. Plus , Erudition is tracking blogs to be put inside that mini magazine , sooo yeah , i shouldnt put myself at risk . HAHA .

It has been long since i last talked bout heart thinggy , n i think its not right . You know , when you keep everything inside and slowly it kills you , eat you up to death *well thats an extreme exaggeration* .

So , here i am *deep breathe*

It feels like a wake up call ever since i read Fuzah's blog, her recent posts . It tear my hear out to read them . It was too deep to even tell others . I cant even tell you the intensity of feeling when reading it . Hehe . Evenso , the point is , i think the biggest thing i learnt her is to never afraid to express your feelings , speak up what you feel . Yes , eventho i may looked like that brutally honest (what my fren used to called me back in highschol) , i dont actually tell and show you everything . And there are times where i didnt know what i feel like 'should i be offended by that ? ' or 'Are you pulling my legs ? ' or ' Is it okay to say this ? ' yada yada yada . I dont even realised that i took that one thing seriously until i told someone bout it n suddenly i have an urge to cry . OH SO I DID OFFENDED ! Thats how bad my ability to express . Muahahaha.


I just finished my oneweek-midsem break . It was exactly the same time but last year and last sem , that something happened . Oh yes , before that . I once told you in this blog bout a guy . Ahaa . A guy that i didnt know whether to confess or not . Long story short , i did (OMG!) well that was because the circumstance at that time hoho. and it was hard to convince him . Hehe . The moment i did , it was my turn to have doubt bout him . This guy is actuallyy so fu*king different from any guy i  knew -Not in a good way tho . But at that moment I just like him and FULLSTOP . No BUT , no Maybe , NO  nothing comes after that .


It was like tide -high and low , Tug of war - pull and push . A game, last two sem but we get through that eventho it has some effects on my finalss (SHEEZ !) . Then we carry on , untill last sem . I was actually in the middle of figuring out what is this relationship are all about . We are not an item  but we acted like one . And im pretty sure he doesnt see me as someone special . and that kills .I dont like tis . I need to know . Yela macam da kalau camtu what the hell are you doing with me RIGHT NOW ?! and What IM DOING WITH YOU?!! . Kak Shake , suddenly made me realise the action I should take , because the truth is , iknow deep don where is this 'thing 'gonna head to . Only the questions  was - Should i wait till a miracle happen OR Should i stop it now before it cause sooo many unthinkable damage ? . She totally blew my mind ! and I thought i was being brainwashed  -.- . Still , i dont mind.

Awkwardly , he seems knew what i was thinking . He asked and i told him, why dont we stop this ? You knowww THIS uncertainty . If you dont really want me , why should i ? Cewahh demand pulak . Tapi yelahh engat senang2 ke nak bagi hati kat orang yang sambil lewa je kan blerghh . He actually agreed with me , maybe WE Should stop this madness . SO WE STOPPED . Stop all the messages and fb ( xfren pun sapa suruh block aku padan muka).  That was 2 weeks before midsem break , last sem . Youknow , like this year's midsem break . I was so horrible , like a living zombie , boneless , spiritless and losing hope (Kak Mira said ) . I was super sensitive. I talked when needed only . Sometimes dont even want to say anything , totally mute .The weirdest part is , i dont even care to fight that feeling . I thought  was living in a hell .Then i know, i was in the middle of heartbreak . I was so torn. Too torn to even stand up and show a lil bit light of hope . Maslin who always looked so happy and cheerful suddenly turned into someone cold and gloomy , like a stranger . The worst part ? Una and Fuza didnt know bout what i was goin through and they misunderstood my actions. Well that actually my faults . And i am so so so sorry to make you guys worry and have false assumptions and wondering . It was feel like i need my time to detach and quarantine myself from anybody in the world and face this alone . To recluse . HAHAHA. Ididntknow whyyy i thought like that -,- . But we hv settled this :)


After that one week break , i can feel that i was healing . And everybody starts to see me smile again , especially Una dan Fuza  :) Thank God he was a senior and completely has different schedule from me so i can avoid  him . There was one time where i accidentally saw him , and i went like alll miserable ! Just a glance n he made me into that -.- . Slowly and slowly recovering untill the Interbatch Games . I knew im going to meet him sooner or later . Uia tak besar wehhh . Hahahaha. For that Two-days event , i finally can say to Kak Mira , " He is not Mine , and I am Fine " \O/ Yeah ! Im not healing completely but thats a good sign :) Then there was AGM . Ohmyyy. He was all over the place . But as long as i didnt contacted him , im fine. After that , more and moreeee Events that need me to see him. AGD and KOS Integration Month. Maigaaadd ! Allah je la tahuu ! But i guess , thats the fastest way - To make me move on in the right way . They say , you have to feel the deepest fall to rise up again . And i did . I didnt fight myself in the heartbroken period and now i am free (not just yet) .


So finally the 2nd year 2nd sem ended   n he is supposedly graduatingg ! NOT JUST YET . He is stiil here doing practical as a teacher . Oh whatever . Like i care. Eh ? Ofcourse i care ! Baru nak rasa bebasss T_T Wuwuwuuw . One thing i hate bout him , he always thought that if he stopped message me in a period of time , my anger will slowdown and then he can message me back ! OMG ! Nuh -uh-uh . This one is permanent mister . But yeah , sekali dua bole la tahan . Lama2 annoying so reply la jugak Zzz. but one word only HAHAHAH  RASAKAN APA YANG AKU RASAAA ! :P


Today , since i was like layan tak layan , he stopped msg me . YES!!! . Pastu masa cuti aritu bole tak die msg tetiba ?!!! PAstu like2 kat Fb. OH NOOOO ! I wont let this defenses collapse just like thaatt ! NO ! NOT AGAIN !


But youknow what , there was some feeling looking at his name actually ...


Ohmy God . This is haaard  Suddenly . Masa cuti aritu Mom nagged me , and every inch of my confidence breaks and fell out ! I abruptly feel , i wasnt that great like what i thought , like what others see me . They just see what i want them to see , but the truth is ? I am a loser ! .I wasnt good enough . And all these depressions built up , and i felt so lonely ...So lonely in this mad mad world . I felt so down that i have no mood at all to study . Everything just .... Gone . I felt like crying , but i didnt . and thats not good . Remember i told you ? ( UNA NI LA SEBAB NYA ! )

Then his name appeared in my phone . Why should you come at this time pulakkk ? Grrr . And thatt adds up to this loneliness T_T I hate youuuuuuuuuuu  ! Why i felt like im living a lie ? Like all that in this UIA doesnt matter at all ? Like who i am now , this happy-me is just to cover up all the mess i felt inside ? Why ? A  Lie ?


I must say ,that not-so-an-item relationship actually trigered something in me . A side of me that im hiding before . Ahaaa , curious tak ? Hahaha. Still , I dont like that side of me , and i really pray that Allah can help me to overcome it . Thats is one of the reason that im backing off . I really dont know when is this 'get over it' operation goin to finish , but as far as im concern , untill another  guy came and show some great effort for me to trut him or maybe i will just let time remove this feelings . Its not like i was never  in this condition before, right ?  ;) I pray to Allah to let that one person to be the last one -The Mr. Right . Its not a time to play with this heart-feelings things anymore . I had enough . And i hope when the time comes , Im ready :)


 I started it and  I ended it . Seems fair enough .

p/s : Fuza and Una , bacalah ini :)

 pp/s : Since the 1st intention of this blog is to share experience , so i will keep it that way . Plus , tak thrill ahhh tak public HAHAHA

ppp/s : Lama tak post panjang2 , hahh amekkawww eesei thesis terusss ! Mbaahahhahhahh!