i am only 19

i am only 19 , but i am already afraid.

see this girl up here? she is a friend of mine back in primary school. now see the child she was holding ? he is her SON. yes. u read it right. her s0n. oh did i mentioned dat we are in the same age? o.0"""""""""""

i was devastated. but i acted like i was okay with it. i heard many stories about ppl marrying in my age yet i never see them in person. and yesterday , i did. she told me, our other friend also had married and has already 2 children. gile ah. haha. she is very small than most of us. so its like a lil weird hearing dat she already a wife of someone. needless to say, she is beautiful too :)

now im thinking that,gile babeng ah kau mude2 da kawen. kena jadi isteri. siap ada anak. kau sure cam da byk bnde terer skill skg en. cm masak . adehhh. hohoho. and ade lah sumber2 aku terdengar cakap " tulah dah gatal sangat, kahwinlah". i am partly disagree with this. yes, memang pada dasarnye yg kawin2 awal ni nampak cm hoi miang gile kau org belajar , kau antar anak belajar ! memang. biasalah tu. tapi cube piker balek. satu, dia da terlepas dari satu masalah yang boleh dikatakan penyakit umat. which is zina. katakan lah dye tak kawin lagi.sebabkn gatal sgt kan, pastu tuttut. then ada anak. hoho. bertambah lagi satu anak tak sah kat Malaysia ni. NAUDZUBILLAH. kedua, kite mane lah tahu dia kawin sbb apa. maybe die ade probs ke yg menyebabkan terpakse kawin awl. kite mana tahu , maen sedap je ckp en. hu. ketiga, jodoh. setiap org timing dye laen2. kite kene engat Tuhan jadikan takdir kite berbeza2 mungkin kalau dye terus blajar , lagi hampeh ke hidup dye. kalau blaja, dye ade something yg mmbuatkan dye org yg bergune ke. so i think, bef0re we throw and say our judgements toward someone we should think first what are the possibilities that might push her to that decision.

my father said pulak, s0me ppl think that in life, that is all they have to do = pass school and university, work, get married and die. well , kalau bkn islam boleh la piker cmtu. tugas kite sbg seorang Muslim di dunia ni wayyy beyond that. hoho. Islam byk menggariskan kewajipan manusia seperti berbakti kpd org laen, memakmurkan bumi Allah ni dan menyebarkan dakwah. so our life just not BE that je. there's always something to do.

okay. lihat pada diri saya pula. sy baru je 19 tahun tapi bile lihat situasi2 cmni sy jadi takut. hari tu sy gi bengkel motor nak amek lesen. satu grup ng kakak ni umur 27 tahun. keje da tak kawin je lagi. kami borak2. macam2 la cte dye. em. tekanan keje.cne zaman skola.pilihan haluan hidup dye. dengar cte dye je sy jd takut.takut dgn ape yg akn berlaku dgn hidup sy nak mencapai 27 tahun tu. huhu. frankly, banyaaaaaaaaaak sangat saya nak buat dengan hidup ni. terlalau banyak sampai tak tahu what come first and cane nak plan bagi terealisasi. huhu . sebab tu la takut. dh lah keadaan sy ni macam kritikal . in study la i mean. ape lagi ? ha saya takut betul lambat sgt matang ney. wuwuw. sy anak kedua. sy taleh bergantung kat alonk and parents sgt da. sy kene pker sesuatu tuk mase dpn sy. mgkin kalau sy di oversea sy tak berpeluang nk mcm2. nk ngadengade buat ape yg sy nk wat sekarang, tp nmpknye Allah mcm bg pluang sy yg tgh duk Malaysia ni buat ape yg sy nk wat. haaaa. cume sy pulak lah yang kene menyambut peluang itu dgn perancangan dan tindakan. sy takut sy tidak merancang dgn baek, tahutahu da 27 tahun T.T. waaaaaaaaaaaa ! people wud say: sy masih 19 tahun. mse byk lagi lahhh . sy rase, sbb mase byk la kene buat cptcpt so sume bnde leh wat. time mude2 ni lah nk kumpul sume pengalaman . bile da tue, mase tuk kongsi pengalaman pulak, kan? barulah hidup bermakna :).

okey, nanti sy rancang betul2

salam